I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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