At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
