I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
