it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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