I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
