i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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