You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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