for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
