We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
