It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
