Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
