i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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