just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
