All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
