Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
