this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
