i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
