If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
