A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
