peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize