i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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