you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
