I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
