She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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