I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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