I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
