I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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