hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
