i'm signing you up for texting rehab
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize