I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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