Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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