I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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