dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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