she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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