The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize