Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
