I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
