I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
