only if we run a train.
done.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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