Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize