True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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