literally had 100 drinks last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
