proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
