I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
