fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
