I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
