I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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