I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
