Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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