Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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