I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
