Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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