JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
