I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
