sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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