What did we do last night that was yellow?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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