There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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