she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
