Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
