we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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