she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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