It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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