forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
