Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
