Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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