My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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