theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
