worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
