I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize