you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
