my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
