Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
