I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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