look no pants
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize