I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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