Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
