Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
