I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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