Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize