Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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