He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
