I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
