Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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