she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
