I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
