The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize