I'm gonna have a badass scar
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
